Wonder Woman?

We all have a Wonder Woman inside us. —Diane Von Furstenburg

I used to be a Wonder Woman. I used to juggle leadership roles, writing, working, being a mom and wife well. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have lost her. And I've been struggling to find her ever since.

I don't know if it's hitting the 60's that's doing it. Or if it's the medication I'm on. But I can hardly juggle a single ball well.

I know women who have gone back to school at my age. Maybe I just need to stimulate my mind a bit more.

I know that winter has a chilling effect on me. I kind of do what the bears do… hibernate.

Now that it is spring perhaps, I can find that rhythm again.

I've come to the prayer cabin to rediscover that person that's down deep inside of me. A time to be alone with God and hear his heart for me.

I've walked the woods, spent time by the lakeside, followed a pair of hoot owls, been serenaded by singing frogs and croaking toads. All joys of being in the woods. Such a gift being tucked here alone with the Savior.

I stumbled upon this beautiful quote by Paul that really spoke to my heart.

I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of his love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. —Ephesians 3:16-19 MSG

He goes on to say…

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! —Ephesians 3:20 MSG

I guess I don't need to be a Wonder Woman after all. I just need to lean into Jesus.

But the reality is I struggle with leaning. Leaning means you must rely on someone else; you must cast your weight on someone for support. I've never been good at that. Especially since I didn't have the support I needed when I was younger.

I understood earlier on that if I made a mistake, I was on my own, because there wasn't going to be anyone to help me process through it.

That's why it's hard for me to lean. It's hard for me to trust that God will be there when I need him most.

But the reality is I don't do a very good job on my own strength either. I mess things up a lot. It's hard for me to ask for help.

So, I don't.

I'm afraid. To be weak. To let down my guard.

If you've had to pick yourself up and dust yourself off or if you didn't have someone safe to lean on growing up, you understand how hard it is.

Paul tells us that if we invite God smack dab into the mess that we've made, he promises the strength we need to take the next step. To ask for help. To let down your guard. To trust him again.

But, if you're like me, it'll be scary. To be vulnerable. To place your fragile self into God's hands. We just need to remember…

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

So, when I return, I'm going to seek out someone safe that I can meet with. I am going to let my guard down, lean in and trust the Savior to walk with me.

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. —C.S. Lewis