I am like a deaf man who cannot hear… Be not silent. Do not be far from me, O Lord.
Psalm 38:13a / 35:22b
The wind blew strong all through the night, rattling windows…and my nerves…and today it blusters still.Even as I sit here, it howls and hollers. Our neighbor's screen door slams open and closed, being pushed and pulled with each stiff gust. Leaves scurry and scatter across our lawn in every direction. The typical sounds of a neighbor's dog barking or of traffic hurrying along the nearby highway are muffled, if not silenced, by the wind's boisterous behavior.
But, it is not just the wind that has been blustering of late. My mind feels tumultuous as well. Unsettled thoughts have been clamoring noisily in my head; yet, the more I try to pull them together, the more strewn they become. The worst part of it is I cannot seem to make out God's voice over all the confusion.I cry out to Him, but my words just echo off the walls.
"What's wrong with me, Lord?" I ask. "Is there some sin issue in my life that is separating us?Is that why I am struggling so?" I lay my heart out before Him and confess my sad propensity to stumble; yet, the tumult continues. I wonder then if the enemy of my soul is behind this menacing disruption between my Savior and me; perhaps he is the one creating this disturbance in my mind. I whisper a prayer of protection and thank God that He is greater than anything the enemy can hurl at me…still the blustering continues.
As I paced through my house, a picture of Christ's disciples comes to mind: I envisioned them out in a boat on storm-tossed waves, with howling winds whipping about them. Any of their cries for help would have been lost on the blustery sea…or so it would seem. Little could they have known that Jesus was right there, walking toward them. Though they could not see Him; though they could not hear His voice over the commotion, He was there nonetheless. He had promised to be with them in the tumult, and He would be with them when the winds died down at His command.
As I let the reality of this speak into my own blustery thoughts, a sense of peace began to sweep over me.God is with me despite how I might feel now. Whether He chooses to quiet my mind or allows those noisy gusts to rattle around in there for awhile, I needn't worry. I know that the Savior is near, whether I can discern it or not. I just need to trust His heart!
When life is confusing and I cannot hear Your voice over my own blustery thoughts, do not let me fall prey to my feelings, Lord.Help me trust You are there with me in the midst of it.